Squirt Gun Stress

In my three years at college, I have never played the hallowed and much anticipated game of Assassins. Nor do I want to.

I have witnessed the paranoia that ensues every Spring in February. Right after chapel on the first day, everyone rushes out, water guns in hand, frantically looking for their target in the crowd. They have of course stalked them beforehand by looking them up in the campus directory.

Oh yes. This game is intense.

They even have a rule book. You can't squirt someone in the chapel, in class, at work, in their room, etc. You can only really squirt someone when they're in transition from one to the other. You can get them in the cafeteria however.

Last night I went to dinner with one of my friends who works in admissions - a poor innocent freshman who is new to the game, and is determined to stick it out to the end. She insisted that we go to dinner at 6:00 in order to avoid the crowd that comes at 5:00. We also sat at a booth on the outskirts of the Great Hall so that we weren't out in the open. Even while we were there, every 10 seconds she was looking behind her back to make sure that her assassin was not approaching with a water gun.

Nobody needs that kind of stress. You'll get an ulcer by the time you're 21.

One day before I graduate I want to run up to a random student while reaching into my pocket like I have a water gun, and belt out the best war-cry that I can think of... and then watch them scamper off. Hehe.