A Day Is Wasted If You Haven't Learned Something New

I noticed the other day that I have learned a lot over summer break. Here are some examples:

Regarding house sitting:

• When you are left by yourself, you somehow instantly turn into a Merry Maid. Everything has to be neat and tidy, even though 24 hours ago you couldn’t care less if that cereal bowl sat out for two days or more. The cat litter must be changed, carpet vacuumed and table cleared.
• You realize how much your mom does on a daily basis. Opening all the windows every morning, doing laundry from the day before, cleaning the litter box, washing the dishes in the sink and much, much more. I think every mother’s day we should celebrate by taking over mom’s usual duties rather than getting her some brightly-colored card for 97 cents. She would be even more appreciated.
• Not only do you instantly turn into a Merry Maid, but you are given supersonic ears. You hear every creak and cat meow. I never realized that the clock in my room ticked so loudly until this week.
• You come to the realization that your mother doesn’t trust you with a stove. All those fancy frozen dinners she bought you? Preventive measures coming from a long history of fear that you will one day burn down the house. The only thing you are allowed to use is the microwave. That and maybe the oven if you promise to follow the neatly ordered directions on the back of the pizza box. She also calls three times a day to make sure that you haven’t burned down the house yet.

Regarding school:

• Books are expensive. The end.

Regarding McDonald’s (because we know there’s always a learning experience to be found here):

• I have tasted the McDouble. It is alright. Could use some lettuce or something, but for $0.53 with the employee discount? Not bad.
• When a customer orders a Happy Meal, the friendly order-taking back and forth turns into an interrogation session. “Okay, and I want a chicken nugget happy meal...” “WILL THAT BE WITH FRIES OR APPLE DIPPERS?” “Uhmm... sweetie what do you want? Um, apples.” “ANY SAUCE FOR THE CHICKEN NUGGETS?” “I guess so. Do you have sweet and sour?” “YES.” “Ok... and I want a Quarter Pounder with Cheese...” “HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YOUNG LADY. DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DRINK WITH THE HAPPY MEAL?” “Chocolate milk I suppose.” “AND IS THIS FOR A BOY OR FOR A GIRL?” “Oh, it’s for a boy.” “ALRIGHT THEN. NOW WE CAN MOVE ON...” So many questions we have to ask...
• I am horrible at doing the night dishes. At night, all those greasy trays, etc. from the grill end up in the back sink. A perfectionist cannot do this job. A perfectionist who also likes dishes cleaned and sanitized to the max definitely cannot do this job. After an hour and a half of this (mind you – I was taking orders and cashing people out at the same time), my supervisor sent one of the boys to clean them...
• People exist who order a bun with solely mayonnaise and bacon on it. No hamburg. Go figure.

Notes from My Métier

(met-YAY: means occupation/profession. Love those words of the day...)

There are way are too many uptight people in this world. 99.7% of them come to the McDonald's drive-through. I'm pretty sure there's been a Gallup poll done on it.

Recently one such person pulled up to the ordering point. The automatic greeter said, “Welcome to McDonald’s. Would you like to try an iced mocha?” and she blurted out her order – too quick for me to get it while I was talking to the customer I was cashing out. "I'm sorry, did you say an iced coffee?"

"NO. I WANT AN ICE CREAM CONE. Gah!"

I stood in the white cell, that is, drive-through and waited for her to arrive at my station. She did in 2.1 seconds. "You guys just built this brand new store, and you STILL can't hear me! *insert various curses and swearing underneath her breath here.*" I apologized, insisting that it was my fault - I was telling the other customer what a McDouble was, (In case you want to know, it’s a double cheeseburger with one fewer slice of cheese. Yes, they came up with a whole new sandwich for this. Ooooh. Earthshattering), and couldn't catch her order in time.

How can people be so ridiculously impatient and uptight? Some days I want to have a big, brightly-colored banner hanging in my drive-through cell that says "Life's too short to wear a frown - be happy. It's great for your facial muscles," while playing soothing Jim Brickman piano music in the background. Or maybe Enya... Enya could be good.

Don’t get me wrong - not all customers are wound up. Many aren’t, and they make my day. There is an older gentleman who comes through every day - I call him "Mr. Senior Black Coffee" because I don't know his name. He comes up to the order point, says "Just a senior black coffee please" and drives up to my window. Every day he complains about the prices going up, and every day I tell him to go buy a coffeemaker. We’ve bonded. It's great.

Speaking of uptight customers, what is it with people hanging their hand out the window after giving you their money? They hand you their money, and then instantly put their hand out for the change. Bud, that $20 is going to be kind of hard to break when your order only came to $1.02. Allow a little time here. I had a guy recently who handed me his money and then rested his hand palm up on the windowsill as I got his change. This evil thought flashed across my mind: The automatic windows move if I step out of the way... Oooh... no. Must... resist...

Basically

In my early essay-writing days, my favorite word was “basically.” I quickly discovered that this word could apply to nearly every subject. In fifth grade, my sentences went something like this (taken directly from an essay I wrote about Roger Bacon): “This person, Roger Bacon, was baisicly a reformer, like Martin Luther. Roger was actually a long time before Martin Luther, but baisicly did the same thing.”

Mom says that by the end of that school year she was about to strike that word from my vocabulary. Gradually I learned how to spell it correctly, but it still remained one of my favorite words.

In high school, the word “basically” was replaced by “essentially” as my new favorite. “Essentially” said the same thing as “basically,” but sounded a little more refined. To this day that word creeps into my papers, and as much as I try to make it stop, it keeps coming back - like the garlic taste in your mouth after eating spaghetti.

“Random” is another one of my favorite words, and as anyone else will tell you who knows me, “Awesome” is another. “Epic,” “Intense” and “Eftsoons” are others, but there wasn’t enough room in the title of this blog to include all my favorites. Even if there was, you wouldn’t be able to find the blog because the URL would be so horrendously long.

Oh, and about me? I’m an English major who works at McDonald’s. Draw from that what you will.