Notes from My Métier

(met-YAY: means occupation/profession. Love those words of the day...)

There are way are too many uptight people in this world. 99.7% of them come to the McDonald's drive-through. I'm pretty sure there's been a Gallup poll done on it.

Recently one such person pulled up to the ordering point. The automatic greeter said, “Welcome to McDonald’s. Would you like to try an iced mocha?” and she blurted out her order – too quick for me to get it while I was talking to the customer I was cashing out. "I'm sorry, did you say an iced coffee?"

"NO. I WANT AN ICE CREAM CONE. Gah!"

I stood in the white cell, that is, drive-through and waited for her to arrive at my station. She did in 2.1 seconds. "You guys just built this brand new store, and you STILL can't hear me! *insert various curses and swearing underneath her breath here.*" I apologized, insisting that it was my fault - I was telling the other customer what a McDouble was, (In case you want to know, it’s a double cheeseburger with one fewer slice of cheese. Yes, they came up with a whole new sandwich for this. Ooooh. Earthshattering), and couldn't catch her order in time.

How can people be so ridiculously impatient and uptight? Some days I want to have a big, brightly-colored banner hanging in my drive-through cell that says "Life's too short to wear a frown - be happy. It's great for your facial muscles," while playing soothing Jim Brickman piano music in the background. Or maybe Enya... Enya could be good.

Don’t get me wrong - not all customers are wound up. Many aren’t, and they make my day. There is an older gentleman who comes through every day - I call him "Mr. Senior Black Coffee" because I don't know his name. He comes up to the order point, says "Just a senior black coffee please" and drives up to my window. Every day he complains about the prices going up, and every day I tell him to go buy a coffeemaker. We’ve bonded. It's great.

Speaking of uptight customers, what is it with people hanging their hand out the window after giving you their money? They hand you their money, and then instantly put their hand out for the change. Bud, that $20 is going to be kind of hard to break when your order only came to $1.02. Allow a little time here. I had a guy recently who handed me his money and then rested his hand palm up on the windowsill as I got his change. This evil thought flashed across my mind: The automatic windows move if I step out of the way... Oooh... no. Must... resist...