"You Only Try To Lasso a Fan Once"

Yeah. That's basically it.

Never again will I take 17 credit hours and do 15 hours of work study per week. I have learned my lesson.

Recently, a select few seniors from Covenant have been giving their senior testimonies in chapel. At least a few of them have composed lists of "Things that they have learned..." because they are soon to be the wise, all-knowing graduates and feel the need to pass on their wisdom to us lowly underclassmen. In this spirit, I thought I would share with you some things that I have learned / bits of wisdom (besides the above)... in no particular order:

1. There are lots of splendid people here. Spend time with them.
2. "Chicken Fried" is THE ideal country song. It's right up there with "Backwards" by Rascal Flatts.
   
3. Hardly anyone can figure out all of the intricacies of Finnegan's Wake, so don't feel so bad because you can't.
4. Putting random facts in the bathroom stalls is a great plan. So far I have learned that Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every section of the Dewey Decimal System. This is going to be great for Jeopardy! this summer.
5. Be nice to your roommate. Sometimes they bite.
   
6. D.H. Lawrence looks eerily like my history teacher from high school.
7. Get over your fear of singing by yourself. It's okay.
8. Do not leave your cell phone charging on your desk during open dorm hours. Someone could come in and put it in your vent. ;)
9. Have deep conversations. They mean a lot.

I couldn't really think of anything for number 10. Sorry to all of you with OCD tendencies.

Squirt Gun Stress

In my three years at college, I have never played the hallowed and much anticipated game of Assassins. Nor do I want to.

I have witnessed the paranoia that ensues every Spring in February. Right after chapel on the first day, everyone rushes out, water guns in hand, frantically looking for their target in the crowd. They have of course stalked them beforehand by looking them up in the campus directory.

Oh yes. This game is intense.

They even have a rule book. You can't squirt someone in the chapel, in class, at work, in their room, etc. You can only really squirt someone when they're in transition from one to the other. You can get them in the cafeteria however.

Last night I went to dinner with one of my friends who works in admissions - a poor innocent freshman who is new to the game, and is determined to stick it out to the end. She insisted that we go to dinner at 6:00 in order to avoid the crowd that comes at 5:00. We also sat at a booth on the outskirts of the Great Hall so that we weren't out in the open. Even while we were there, every 10 seconds she was looking behind her back to make sure that her assassin was not approaching with a water gun.

Nobody needs that kind of stress. You'll get an ulcer by the time you're 21.

One day before I graduate I want to run up to a random student while reaching into my pocket like I have a water gun, and belt out the best war-cry that I can think of... and then watch them scamper off. Hehe.

"Hey, You've Reached... Admissions"

The admissions office of the college seems to be a wealth of entertaining tidbits sometimes. Last night was no exception.

Voicemails:

I have discovered that high school seniors have some interesting ideas of what constitutes a good voicemail these days. Here are some of the gems from the evening.

• "Hey, this is _____, but I've gotta' go get ready for the zombie apocalypse, so I'll talk to you later." (Really? Okay, but I mean... you could go to college and get a good education so that you could learn how to intelligently fight off the zombies during the apocalypse. But no - rather, you're going to ignore your phone and make me listen to this ridiculous voice message every time).


• "You've reached _____. I'm not here right now, so if you're a thief, this would be a great time to break in. Just to make life easier on you, we keep all our money in a tin box underneath my bed. . ." (I can't make this stuff up).


• (This one went on for a good minute and a half. I'm including the selection that I remember). "Sorry I missed your call. I'm probably busy doing something else like reading, watching TV. . . doing homework, driving - and then I really shouldn't be answering my phone anyway. I'm a busy guy, you know? There are a lot of things in my life: my family, my friends, Christ. . . but thankfully they created answering machines, so you should take advantage of that and leave me a message." (I was kind of stunned when it finally ended and the beep came. I was sort of waiting for the guy to say "just kidding," and ask me who I was. But no. This was a legitimate message. People like this make me wonder if we should have fast forward buttons for messages).


• I do enjoy the "listen to this while your party is reached" ringer. This was a good plan, and probably invented by a telemarketer. Yesterday I enjoyed listening to "I'm Yours" while my prospective student was reached. Another was some classical music. Yet another was the song "Alcohol" by Brad Paisely, which always made me feel like I was somehow breaking contract by listening to it at work.

General Shennanigans:

If you ever hear us in the admissions office mention "So on a scale from Judas to Jesus...", this is what we mean: Apparently our boss created a ranking system from 1-5 that ranks your performance as a caller. Judas is a 1, and means that you're really bad at your job. The ranking goes like this: Judas - Peter after the denial - a local pastor - Mother Theresa - Jesus. You have officially made it as a caller when you're as good as Mother Theresa. However, no one can be a 5. It's not possible, and it might be blasphemy.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

Yay the Christmas season has arrived! :)

So, here's a question: Why do people have to swarm the stores right before snowstorms? (Which could be interpreted as a tongue-twister if you read it out loud...) Somehow I think people assume Y2K is happening all over again, and they have to buy all the provisions they could possibly need for a year. The fact that I went shopping on the Saturday before Christmas only added extra people to the mix of snowbirds. It's miraculous though. What - you can't wait until Monday to eat the cheese that you so wanted on your crackers?

While out on my Saturday-before-Christmas shopping trip, I also noticed the exorbitant amount of wine that people bought the day before a snowstorm. This is most likely because Christmas is coming up this week and they need their holiday brew... but still. It gave off the impression that they were going to sit at home and get a little... you know. They might get to the point where they wouldn't recognize the white stuff falling outside. "What are all these cotton balls doing outside, honey?" "Oh, I don't know - I thought it was manna or something..."

As a kid, I never understood Santa Claus. Supposedly the elves make all of the toys up at the North Pole, and Santa delivers them to all the little boys and girls on Christmas Eve. Yet I always wondered why the stores bothered to have huge sales if Santa wasn't outsourcing...

Merry Christmas everyone!

Airports

In the confusion with my flight back to school, I got moved to a Delta flight. I usually do not fly Delta, simply because US Airways usually goes through Charlotte, and Mom likes the Charlotte airport over the Atlanta airport (which is the one that Delta primarily flies through). Anyway. Long story short, I ended up on a Delta flight, which opened up a host of interesting new things.

For example, Delta has their “Breezeway” and their “General Boarding” sections when you walk up to present your boarding pass. They are divided by a rope, and make up two lines. The only difference between the two sections is that one has a clean blue carpet on it that says “Breezeway” and one does not. This carpeted section is for gold and silver members and other such first class passengers. Frankly, I’m not paying extra just so I can have a little extra cushion under my tootsies as I walk up to present my boarding pass. Not worth it. The person who thought this up in marketing needs to rethink this one, because I’m not being fooled.

Thankfully, they still offer complementary pretzels, peanuts, and even cookies if you so desire. Points earned in my book.

I can’t get on the Atlanta internet. LAME.

The Atlanta airport is huge. You know it’s bad when you’re still walking and it seems as if you haven’t moved in the past 5 minutes.

Speaking of which, this girl just walked past me at a really brisk pace – definitely on par with power walking. She was also carrying a large bottle of water. Maybe trying to incorporate her workout into her spare time? Might as well exercise in the airport.

Dreaming of Pizza and Talking with Midwesterners

I apologize for not updating this in about a month, but I have been pretty busy with school, work study and general shennanigans. Here are some things that have happened and thoughts that have run through my head as of late:

Admissions:

• I get to talk with people who are from the Midwest (Wisconsin primarily). They answer the phone and all that I can picture is the little minivan from Cars who says, "Oooh - look honey! Surplus!" Soon it will probably start to rub off on me just like the Southern accent has and I will become the person with the most confused American accent ever. Can that count as my intercultural experience for Covenant?


• I have discovered that aside from my guy friends and my boyfriend, I have this weird phobia of talking to guys on the phone. I have to stare at their name for a few minutes, deciding whether or not I feel brave enough to pick up the phone and ask for Trevor. If there is an answering machine, there is much rejoicing. One time I thought I was home free - I was leaving a message in my typical cheerful "I'm so glad you're not home because I didn't exactly want to talk with you" tone, and then at the tail-end of my message, his mom picked up. Plan dashed. It's getting better though - I don't have mini panic attacks anymore.


• All parents take note: When naming your child, please name them something that makes sense phonetically. Take pity on the poor admissions callers who crowd around each other's desks discussing whether to say "Challie" or "Callie" with a silent "H."

En Generale:

• For the past two nights I have had dreams that involved food. The first night I ate some amazing pizza, and then the second night mom made chocolate chip cookie dough cheesecake - in squares, which she put on the end of sticks. They were sooo good in my dreams - so good in fact that when I was half awake I thought, "Hmm... I need to ask mom to make pizza tonight." Then I woke up and realized that I was still at school. Bummer. Thankfully this weekend is Halloween, which means candy, which means CHOCOLATE, which cures all ills.


• I have decided that because of my ADD nature, driving a standard car would not be the best option. Too many things to pay attention to and look at inside of the car, nevermind outside - you know, like the road and stuff. Trust me, I tried this over Fall Break, and wasn't too successful.

Just an "Average" Day

I don’t know who exactly reads this... if anyone actually does. Right now blogging has become this activity that makes me look at life in a different, hilarious way. My thoughts during the day have become things like: “Huh. The Great Hall smells kind of funny,” which progresses to “Why do my clothes still smell like the Great Hall 20 minutes later?” which then evolves into, “When someone comes out of the Great Hall, it is like unto a fly trying to break free from the putrid spit of its potential predator – the slimy stench of the spit never really rubs off... I should put that in my blog.” You’ve got to admit: When life seems pretty boring, just throw in the words “slimy stench.” Works every time.
Along those lines, here are some things I’ve learned recently (maybe over-dramatized, maybe not...):

• According to my sociology teacher, the phrase, “Now but not yet,” can apply to your somewhat independent status as a young adult trying to live in your parent’s house after being away at college for a couple of years.
• High school students have very interesting voicemails. Calling potential students I have come across some real gems: A girl’s answering machine that sounded like Taz the Tasmanian devil and then went to the beep; one that played “Three Wooden Crosses” by Randy Travis; one that was a girl laughing and then the beep; and then the best one – “Alcohol” by Brad Paisley. I can’t decide if that breaks Covenant’s student contract or not...
• I cannot take the phrase, “Hedge of protection” seriously anymore after watching Tim Hawkins. If you’re curious about this one, just look it up on YouTube.

That’s about all I’ve got for now. Life has been pretty normal... or has it?